Shared Illusions

I have been diligently practicing yoga. I’ve been paying attention to the messages sent along with the daily guided practice. I’ve been mulling over this trip. Being here. Going there. What does it all mean? Do I need a greater purpose? Why did we elect to spend two weeks in this big city of Buenos Aires? What is the point? Does there need to be a point?

I had a shift between yesterday’s message of “find what makes you feel alive in your own body” and today’s message of “drop it” I dropped in to not questioning and not doubting. I’ve become aware of trusting that while I don’t know what drives this desire to travel, to be in other places, or what lessons, if any, I’m “supposed” to be getting, I can let that go. I can simply be and accept that this is what I am doing now. This is where I am now.

Charlie and I were talking one day about drive and scheduling; about the pace of the trip.  We haven’t been gonzo about seeing things, but we did some things that we clearly wanted to do and see. Then a few others popped up as we met and talked with people. I’ve been thinking about this trip and comparing it to my trips to Guatemala and living there for 4-5 months at a time. Or staying on the beach in Tulum, Mexico for a month. There was relatively little sight seeing on those trips. There was simply living. Cooking and swimming and walking and reading and writing and visiting.

I digress. The point I’m trying to get to is that I used to be so much better at being. Then the work world came. Home ownership came along. Suddenly, life became a series of schedules. Of requirements and musts. And that was what was called for at the time. That period of life is what has made this period possible.

The camino also had a definite trajectory. A beginning and an end with all of the walking and sightseeing along the way. In a sense, my schedule wasn’t quite mine to create then either, aside from deciding how many miles to walk in a day. After the camino we did take time to visit other places, take in the local sites, get a sense of what life is like – and was like as we walked among ancient places.

Do I digress again? I guess I do. So, back in Albuquerque, after that European sojourn, I got lost again in scheduling, in things that needed to be done, in things I thought I needed to do. And some of that has carried over in to this trip. However, as we’ve talked about this and as we’ve settled into BsAs, we are slowing down. It will be interesting to see how we maneuver the next seven weeks.

I’m torn between just wanting to live in another country – find a spot and settle in for months – and seeing more of a country while I’m there. We’ll be on the move quite a bit.

So, I’m circle round to where I began this post. Don’t question. Don’t make this trip into something else. Don’t compare it to other periods of my life. Drop it. Find what makes my body feel alive.

I wrote this a few days ago and edited it some today. I’ll continue with more recents events in the next post.

Love you, Paula